Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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