He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
