dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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