honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
