I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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