i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
