Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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