she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
