u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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