i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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