She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
