Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
