1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
