your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
