i think i have herpe
just one?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
