Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
