Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
