Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
