Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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