If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize