Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
