I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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