Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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