actually, I'm a sock model
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
