I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
tell me about the fingering
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