Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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