i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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