So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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