Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
