Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
