There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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