You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
