I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
