I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
