shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
