is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
