i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
