He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
