dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
