No awkward lesbian experiences without me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize