I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
