so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
