some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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