If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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