i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
