....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
