I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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