I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
