I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
