I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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