went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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