I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
