thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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