I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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