Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
