Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
