i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
