sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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