you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
