I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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