So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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