Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize