This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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