he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
pray to the hookup gods
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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