I love having hate sex.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
