I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
