good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
