girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize