I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
last night I used snow as a chaser
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