Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
