If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
