i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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