Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
